Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
