she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
