I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
