I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My vagina just recognized that song.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
