You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
