Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
