it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
