never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
