the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
