How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
