question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
