The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
