you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
