Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
