Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
