I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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