Ambien. No doubt about it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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