grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
