It's like God shit irony all over that family
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
