I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
