Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
