I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
