I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize