Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
