Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
