He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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