Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
