I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
