Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
