you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
