i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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