small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
