i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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