In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
