So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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