I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
