She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
