I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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