Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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