i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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