I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
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She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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