would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
