shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
