I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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