Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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