my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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