he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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