just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just gift wrapped bread.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
