I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
