the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
