I CAN MOONWALK!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
