btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
