why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
