yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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