just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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