don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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