I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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