We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
