Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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