we have officially lost it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
