sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
