I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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