This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
