i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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