he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
