I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
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I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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