Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
