$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
